Wednesday, June 10, 2009

In which I dream about McDonalds and also bitch about the swine flu

I feel stressed and all I want to do is eat 5 bacon egg and cheese biscuits from mcdonalds and snuggle on the couch with all the curtains closed and watch 47 episodes of Friends. Tragically, my life is not this awesome. I am doomed to a life of misery and pain and suffering while working 8-5 every day. Not really, but, you know. My job is actually pretty good, just not when I have so many other better things I can think of to do. Like watch Friends on the couch. That, or...

You know, that is pretty much the best thing I can think of right now. Its still raining (stop already, for the love of christ) and I don't want to shop, I don't want to cook, I don't want to clean, I don't want to decorate, I don't want to exercise, I just want to watch Friends.

Sometimes I want to be allowed to walk around in my bare feet when I'm at work. I always have my shoes off in my cubicle. And then, when I have to get up, I have to put the damn things back on again. Life would be all sunshine and roses if only it was socially acceptable to walk around in your bare feet. Speaking of, why is that? Its not like having your feet out of your shoes is public indecency. I paint my toenails, I remove the stray hair or two that grows on my big toe. My feet are just fine. I don't really see what the big deal is if I walk over to the printer with no shoes on. Sigh. Such is my life.

I would now like to discuss the swine flu if you please. If you have bought into this utterly ridiculous media sensation, you are stupid. Yes, I said it. Please consider several facts, which I have gathered from The Center For Disease Control, because I was just that interested and a little bored:

1. The 'regular' flu kills 36,000 people in the US every year
2. The 'regular' flu kills between 250,000 and 500,000 people worldwide every year.
3. The 2009 swine flu, as of June 5, has killed 27 people in the US.
4. The 2009 swine flu has killed around 130-150 people worldwide.

Can I rest my case?

Ok, here's some more. The swine flu also had an outbreak in 1918 and in 1976. Do you know what the 1976 outbreak is called? "The Swine Flu 1976 Debacle". Some doctor got it into his head that he should declare a national pandemic and get the entire country vaccinated. And then people died from the vaccinations, not from the flu. This whole thing is so ludicrous I can't understand it. And what I am even more baffled by is that even though everybody I know thinks the "epidemic" is ridiculous, the media is still making it look like everyone is concerned. Oh media, you and your ulterior motives!...I wonder what Al Gore has up his sleeve this time? Oops, and now, I've said too much. I digress!

So if you are looking for something that's actually funny to read, check out The Psychology of Bumper Stickers from Mandy. I got a kick out of it, anyways.

"Life's disappointments are harder to take
when you don't know any swear words."
- Calvin & Hobbes

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

In which I have Random Tuesday Thoughts (again) and why exclamation points are annoying

Good morning on this horrible morning. I don't think I have ever seen so much lightning in my entire life as I did on my 40 minute drive to work today. Apparently, in the near vicinity, it struck 2,000 times in one hour. How they calculated that so quickly and accurately, I'm not entirely sure. Fortunately it did not start storming until right before I left for work. If it had been storming while my alarm was going off, I most certainly would not have gotten out of bed and would have come up with an excuse as to why it would be ok for me to be late to work. Unfortunately, I was so concerned as to the location of my umbrella, that I forgot several important things:
1. My lunch. Which means I will eat in the cafeteria today which means I will probably consume ungodly amounts of carbs and fats, telling myself its ok because I never eat lunch in the caf. But then I will probably eat there again on Thursday because of another nonsense excuse, like I brought my lunchbox but forgot to put lunch inside of it. Yes, this has happened to me before.
2. My gym bag. Which means not only will I eat a delicious/expensive/addingtothetirearoundmymiddle lunch, I will end up not going to the gym in an attempt to work it off.
3. The Skinny Water I was working on. It is now left to get dumped over by the cat or to gather spiders hanging from the ceiling, like the one that tried to get into my scrambled eggs this morning. Leaving the drink really isn't that big of a tragedy, but still. I forgot it.

I am a computer goddess. The Director of my dept told me again that he "didn't know there was so much talent in this department" after perusing the website I have poured a good portion of bloodsweatandtears into. Also, everyone has discovered my knowledge of computer programs. I am good at 1. pretending to know things and 2. learning things quickly because sometimes people ask me for help and I don't really know what they are talking about, but I will figure it out. Because I am awesome. Especially at Visio 2003. I decided today that I will write a tutorial on it for our department, because I just can't be bothered with people always needing me to design things for them. I'm just THAT busy! Hahahahaha

Michael and I are having a housewarming party. I accidentally invited about 35 people. 20 of them are Attending (minus Thimba, who always responds Yes to facebook events even though he lives in Kenya), 7 are Maybe Attending, 2 Are Not Attending, and 4 are Awaiting Reply (which, I might add, are Michael's relatives. For shame.) I am not sure how I am going to fit all of these people into my house but it's nice to know I'm popular. Or at least I am dating someone who is.

Also, I do not like people who overuse exclamation points. Allow me to share with you a brief excerpt from one person I am fB friends with:
"I LOVE MY LIFE!! I married an amazing man who also happens to be my best friend! We are great together! He understands me, and I understand him! And we Love each other very much! We always make everything fun, I don't know how but we do!! We just had our first child! Hes an amazing little boy! We are completely thrilled to have him home, hes home with Mommy and Daddy and we couldn't be happier!"
This hurts my eyeballs just looking at it. My sister also commits this travesty. NO ONE is that happy and exclamation points are extremely overrated. And so, for the love of God, please refrain from the use of exclamation points unless you are ACTUALLY jumping up and down and screaming, because that's what your punctuation is telling me.